Hi loves -
So the reason I found it important to create this particular page on my blog is because the world we live in today tends to focus so much on beauty and how you look on the outside that there is a very main key missing in being beautiful; it starts WITHIN yourself.
It's fairly easy to fall into the trend of constantly wanting to look like someone else. We all are guilty of it, especially as girls. Unfortunately, it's something too that is almost impossible to get away from because everywhere we go and everywhere we look we are forced to see images of people who are done up to no end. Instagram, the internet in general, magazines, tv, just to name a few. It's a lot of pressure growing up a girl in today's world. There is too much pressure of you having to look like a certain something in order to be considered and accepted for who you are.
A big reason I felt the need to blog about this particular subject and make an awareness of it is because what many people do not know about me is that I suffered a condition in which I obsessed over this issue in a very unhealthy way for a very long time. People would tell me all the time that I was pretty - I don't think I ever showed an abundance of low self-esteem growing up, because I wasn't to the point in which I hated myself or that I couldn't have confidence, I just had a hard problem accepting myself. Everywhere I looked I saw someone with a physical trait I wanted or I looked in the mirror and saw a physical trait I didn't want to have. I never really noticed at the time that what I was doing was unhealthy, I just looked at myself and ripped myself apart. I spent quality time of my teenage years crying because I didn't have "big boobs" or because I didn't have "naturally long and strong hair." The crazy part of this all is that as I just wrote those two examples, I actually laughed out loud at myself because of how absolutely silly both of those things are to me now.
It's healthy; perfectly healthy to always want to be the best version of yourself that you could possibly be. You only live once, and in that one life you should strive to want to look good, there is nothing wrong with wanting to get up and feel great about yourself. There is nothing wrong with doing little things to make yourself happy. Hell, if you wanna wear 5 pounds of makeup because it makes you feel pretty, wear 5 1/2 pounds! If you want to drown your body in 30 inch extensions so you have pretty long hair, do it up! I guess what I am trying to stress is that it is okay to want to have nice things or do things to make yourself feel good, but do it because you want to, do it because it just gives you that little flare to feel nice. When it's not okay is when you do it because you feel you HAVE to.
I would get to a point where I would go through my tumblr and reblog 200 girls I thought were gorgeous and then sit around and stare at their pictures and pick myself apart for not having things that they had or things I thought made them pretty. I'd get in fights with myself, I'd get miserable, I knew I sounded ungrateful and the worst thing of all is that I was putting myself down! Why was I putting myself down? I knew I wasn't ugly, people told me I was pretty.. but yet I picked myself apart. Everyday.
After dealing with what had become something I wasn't even aware of, something that I ripped myself apart with for too long, something I now had an unhealthy obsession with it one day just hit me. My problem was 1. in my head and 2. RIDICULOUS. I stopped myself from going on tumblr for a little while. Every time I'd go to find myself wanting something someone else had I stopped myself and thought of one thing I liked about myself. Slowly and slowly after recognizing my faults in this matter, I started working on myself in healthy ways. I started complimenting myself, I worked out hard, I ate healthy, I felt great about myself as a person. I just took time to sit and be alone in my head without nit picking and to be completely honest, for the first time in a really long time, I just felt so relaxed. It felt good. The more I started making peace within myself and accepting myself for who I was and believing that it was truly ok, that was when it all started getting better. It was the fact that no matter what, I was going to be myself, I was going to have this body, and no matter how much I wish I had anything else, I couldn't. This was my body. This is who I was. It was either accept it and take the best damn care and pride in it as possible or simply be miserable.
I came to peace. Now - I truly don't want to look like anyone else. I can go on tumblr now and reblog girls and find inspiration from them. If I see a really pretty girl I can think "Oh, that girl is really pretty" NOT "Ugh, that girl is so pretty she has this, this, this and this that I don't." If I see an outfit I like, I'll try it. If I see makeup I like, I'll try it. That's perfectly ok. I think the key to a girls life living in this day and age is that we have to feed off of inspirations from each other instead of obsessing off the actual image. We aren't getting away from this anytime soon. There is always going to be someone out there that has something you don't. ALWAYS. I think it's all in how you look at it though; all based on your perspective of the situation. If I decide someday I want to get botox, I'm going to get botox because I want to. If I want to get a boob job - i'll get a boob job because I want to. What I will never do is get something fucked with because I feel I have to to fit in or I have to in order to be accepted.
Life is simply too short to really sit around and care what others think or how others feel about something. If there is something you are that self conscious about, fix it, but not because you have to, but because your living and it makes you happy. I cannot say I have everything figured out, as most of our lives are, my life is crazy, hectic and on somedays I want nothing more other than to curl in a ball and cry. It's the reality. I may not have it all down, but I am at least trying. This page of my blog is going to be dedicated to all girls and people in general looking to share a story or looking for some inspiration when everything else in the world let you down. If you have a story or a quote you'd like to share, send it to me. I will continue to post blog posts, quotes, stories etc all dedicated to inner beauty. If you can't run away from a problem, you might as well embrace it. Look it in the eye and overcome it. It's not easy to do alone all the time, but know you're not alone. I am here and this page is here :)
"Don't let anyone dim your worth"
No matter what goes on in your life; no matter who you get involved with; no matter what power they might have over you; DO NOT ever let anyone fuck with your value and self worth. It's very hard because sometimes even the people we love so much let us down. The people we try so hard to be close to, to reach out to, to let see our deepest cuts and our biggest fears become the people who hurt us the most.
I grew up in an unstable household. The one guy a girl should be able to trust the most, her father, let me down growing up. It kinda set me up for a mix of emotions.. I either fell into that trap of growing on in life to find myself in situations in which I let things slide and when I became comfortable and forced myself to believe things were normal; or I had the choice to be stronger and learn from my growing experience. Which one of these you choose is critical.
It's hard. It is not a walk in the park to feel insecure in your life. I hate sometimes feeling like my whole world is spinning and all you hear is how you should trust that all things happen for a reason. When you are upset, that is the last thing you want to hear, even if it is true. The truth is something we all hide from. It's the huge burden hanging over our heads that we hate to face. If I can say one thing; whatever you do go through in life does make your stronger. You face weird situations all the time and sometimes get pushed into a corner on your own just so you can live within your own mind for a little while and sort things out.
I've faced so many obstacles in my life and still do. I never understand when things are going to stop or when things are going to get better, I just truck through every single day. I'll vent. Sometimes I will vent to anyone that will listen to me. I'll tell myself inspirational things just because I know at the end of everyday I am the only person I can truly trust and therefore I have to be strong even for myself. You really at some point have to get numb to the pain and realize that you can not control all situations around you and that no matter what goes on in your life you can not let it effect the way you feel about yourself.
It's way too easy to get down on yourself. Something doesn't go right you automatically blame yourself. I always get into a bad habit of cutting right to the fact that it was because I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or that I wasn't friendly enough. I never felt GOOD enough. I wasn't a good enough daughter to make my dad want to stop drinking alcohol and wise up, I wasn't worthy enough to keep someone I liked interested in me. At some point you have to realize your worth. You can't let the actions and reactions of others control your mind or well being.
Even jealously - It's the easiest thing in the world to get jealous. You see other girls and you want to look like them, you get threatened. Why? I used to get this way here and there but then I had to literally install it in my head that I can not feel that way. There is no reason to be jealous. If you are in a relationship and you feel insecure, even if the other person in it is treating you like shit, you can't for any reason feel like it is because you are not good enough. Every single person in life has some kind of purpose. Everyone. If you are going to feel insecure then you are allowing someone to hurt you. I don't get jealous because if someone really wants to be with someone else other than me or feels that they have found better; good for them. I know my worth. I know who I am as a person and I know nobody can rob that from me. I am a good girl, I work extremely hard, I put up with way more in my life than I should and I am still half sane. If someone feels the need to hurt me than they can go fuck themselves. It almost is like you start to rebound the things that try to filter into your feelings and once they hit a certain point you push them back out. You have to protect yourself.
At some point you just HAVE to realize that you are all you have. You will have family, friends, significant others etc. but if tomorrow they all left you would only have yourself. It's great to have relationships of all kinds in your life but prepare yourself and be sure that you are strong enough to sail in even the strongest winds. It's not an easy life. People suck. You have to always remember your worth and stand strong in any situation. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Life is simply too short to really sit around and care what others think or how others feel about something. If there is something you are that self conscious about, fix it, but not because you have to, but because your living and it makes you happy. I cannot say I have everything figured out, as most of our lives are, my life is crazy, hectic and on somedays I want nothing more other than to curl in a ball and cry. It's the reality. I may not have it all down, but I am at least trying. This page of my blog is going to be dedicated to all girls and people in general looking to share a story or looking for some inspiration when everything else in the world let you down. If you have a story or a quote you'd like to share, send it to me. I will continue to post blog posts, quotes, stories etc all dedicated to inner beauty. If you can't run away from a problem, you might as well embrace it. Look it in the eye and overcome it. It's not easy to do alone all the time, but know you're not alone. I am here and this page is here :)
"Don't let anyone dim your worth"
No matter what goes on in your life; no matter who you get involved with; no matter what power they might have over you; DO NOT ever let anyone fuck with your value and self worth. It's very hard because sometimes even the people we love so much let us down. The people we try so hard to be close to, to reach out to, to let see our deepest cuts and our biggest fears become the people who hurt us the most.
I grew up in an unstable household. The one guy a girl should be able to trust the most, her father, let me down growing up. It kinda set me up for a mix of emotions.. I either fell into that trap of growing on in life to find myself in situations in which I let things slide and when I became comfortable and forced myself to believe things were normal; or I had the choice to be stronger and learn from my growing experience. Which one of these you choose is critical.
It's hard. It is not a walk in the park to feel insecure in your life. I hate sometimes feeling like my whole world is spinning and all you hear is how you should trust that all things happen for a reason. When you are upset, that is the last thing you want to hear, even if it is true. The truth is something we all hide from. It's the huge burden hanging over our heads that we hate to face. If I can say one thing; whatever you do go through in life does make your stronger. You face weird situations all the time and sometimes get pushed into a corner on your own just so you can live within your own mind for a little while and sort things out.
I've faced so many obstacles in my life and still do. I never understand when things are going to stop or when things are going to get better, I just truck through every single day. I'll vent. Sometimes I will vent to anyone that will listen to me. I'll tell myself inspirational things just because I know at the end of everyday I am the only person I can truly trust and therefore I have to be strong even for myself. You really at some point have to get numb to the pain and realize that you can not control all situations around you and that no matter what goes on in your life you can not let it effect the way you feel about yourself.
It's way too easy to get down on yourself. Something doesn't go right you automatically blame yourself. I always get into a bad habit of cutting right to the fact that it was because I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or that I wasn't friendly enough. I never felt GOOD enough. I wasn't a good enough daughter to make my dad want to stop drinking alcohol and wise up, I wasn't worthy enough to keep someone I liked interested in me. At some point you have to realize your worth. You can't let the actions and reactions of others control your mind or well being.
Even jealously - It's the easiest thing in the world to get jealous. You see other girls and you want to look like them, you get threatened. Why? I used to get this way here and there but then I had to literally install it in my head that I can not feel that way. There is no reason to be jealous. If you are in a relationship and you feel insecure, even if the other person in it is treating you like shit, you can't for any reason feel like it is because you are not good enough. Every single person in life has some kind of purpose. Everyone. If you are going to feel insecure then you are allowing someone to hurt you. I don't get jealous because if someone really wants to be with someone else other than me or feels that they have found better; good for them. I know my worth. I know who I am as a person and I know nobody can rob that from me. I am a good girl, I work extremely hard, I put up with way more in my life than I should and I am still half sane. If someone feels the need to hurt me than they can go fuck themselves. It almost is like you start to rebound the things that try to filter into your feelings and once they hit a certain point you push them back out. You have to protect yourself.
At some point you just HAVE to realize that you are all you have. You will have family, friends, significant others etc. but if tomorrow they all left you would only have yourself. It's great to have relationships of all kinds in your life but prepare yourself and be sure that you are strong enough to sail in even the strongest winds. It's not an easy life. People suck. You have to always remember your worth and stand strong in any situation. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
